This post will show up on my blog in the wee hours of a day far from when I wrote it (cuz
that's how I roll).
...but as I write this, it's 9 minutes to midnight and I'm tired and I should have gone to sleep long ago. (I always do this when Ken's gone overnight)
He called around the time I was pondering today's dinner plan and said he'd be late (so naturally, I took my 5 year-old's advice and made Kraft Dinner for dinner), and then called again after I had the girls in bed and said he thought he better stay over in Toronto at the hospital since he was going to be so late and had to be back again so early tomorrow.
So, here I am, having eaten about a quarter of my bowl of KD (it tasted kinda burnt because I got distracted and burnt some of the noodles... I didn't serve the burnt noodles, but the ones that looked good still tasted weird)... I let Katrina eat my leftovers because she wanted them (Talia wasn't fooled- she pointed out that the KD tasted "bland"). Anyway, I basically had a bottle of Dad's Rootbeer and 3/4 of a bag of Crispers for dinner while sitting in bed with my laptop.
Do you ever do this?
I can't be the only one.
Anyway, I found out about
this article tonight while killing time and surfing the web. Then I found
this vlog, which I loved. Because it was proof that I'm not the only one with cereal and random chunks of string cheese on my floor... sporting a "2nd day ponytail" and yesterday's mascara... or a kid who likes to take their own diaper off... or messy bedrooms & toothpaste on the mirror... but best of all, I grinned when I saw her face when her little munchkin came running in the room. And I know that love. And it's the best part of this crazy, messy Mommy life.
I often miss the ability to put something somewhere and trust that it will be there still when I next look for it. I get kinda depressed about what a disaster my house is and how I'll never catch up. I get frantic when I know someone's coming over & do everything I can to hide all of the mess. I forbade my mother in law from using my upstairs bathroom when she was over yesterday (and felt pretty sheepish about it afterward). And I apologized to my sister in law more than once about my messy kitchen sink, my messy bathroom, and probably other things.
Why? Am I trying to keep a secret from my mother in law? (as if my secret wasn't obvious when I sent her away so she could use the clean bathroom)
Do I want my sister in law to believe that my kitchen sink is usually pristine? (what- so she can question her own housekeeping abilities if hers isn't?)
After all, my mother in law reminds me that she once had 5 young kids at home and my sister in law reassures me that "that's what happens with sinks".
The "Why I can't stop reading Mormon Mommmy Blogs" article that I linked to earlier emphasizes something that's bothered me about blogging for a long time. Many of us blog about the good things. When the bad things don't make it onto a blog it doesn't mean they don't happen! It's so easy for us to compare ourselves to others based on what we see through their blog. I once had a friend tell me she had to stop reading my blog because it made her feel bad about herself- I was shocked! My blog represents such a very small part of my life. I post about the good things I have found because I want to share good ideas with you. There are PLENTY less-than-stellar moments in my life as a mom- plen.ty. Because I am far from perfect and I fall short a lot. Sometimes that kinda depresses me. Sometimes I'm totally okay with it (when I've got things in perspective).
So, now it's 12:20 and I've written a lot. And I'm even tireder. And I'm making words up. What's my point at the end of this?
I mostly blog about the cool things we do. I don't usually blog about the cereal on the floor or the burnt kraft dinner I served for dinner, or how long it's been since I last mopped the kitchen floor. Doesn't change the reality. And the reality doesn't change how awesome it is when my daughter asks me to snuggle her or tells me she loves me... and it doesn't change how much I love being a mom. (And I'm pretty sure you relate to this if you're a mom-
Mormon or not)
I'll have to look back on this post next time I'm feeling like a failure.
I really think we're all just trying to do the best we can. We all want to be awesome. We're working on it. We've got to cut ourselves some slack and recognize the good- and that it's okay that it's mixed in with the not-so-great.
