Meaningful Mothering - Making Moments Matter

Some of the best memories of my family while I was growing up are of times when we were having fun together. 

I have distinct memories of doing unusual fun things with my parents like going to a fair where my dad walked through a fun house, pausing every time he came to a window to make crazy faces at us (we were watching from outside). Once when my dad was out of town for the night, my mom moved all of the furniture out of the kitchen and got the skipping ropes so she & I and my sisters could play Double Dutch! That night we also made cookie dough and ate it before cooking it. I won't forget that day!

Those kinds of special memories are a big part of strengthening our relationships with our children.

I taught a workshop with two other women at a Women's conference on Meaningful Mothering (in 2013) and shared some of my notes and thoughts from it here:

Some Thoughts on Comparison, Social Media, & Opening Up Online

This post is about comparison, "invisible" struggles, and the role that opening up online and through social media (or not opening up) plays in our perceptions of others' lives....

Sometimes you look at someone in the pew across from you at church, or you follow someone on Instagram and think you have a pretty good idea of what their life is like, how happy they are, what sort of weight they’re carrying in terms of life challenges, and how well they’re handling things.

You probably compare them or their life with yourself or your life- whether you mean to or not. You probably have a warped perception of what life is really like for them. (Please note that I said warped perception- this is good news because there’s a good chance that your inadvertent comparing is making you feel worse about yourself, your life challenges, and how you’re handling everything! If you can realize that the comparison you’re making isn't really a fair one, it may help you on that front.)

When Life Doesn't Go the Way You Planned

I wrote this blog post in July. Then I chickened out and left it as an unpublished draft.
It's exactly 19 weeks later (many Thursdays since) and I thought of this post, re-read it, and decided to go ahead and post it. Maybe some of you will be able to relate to it. Maybe you'll have something to share from your own experience. Either way, I guess I just felt ready to share it, so here it is:

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If you've been following my blog for a long time, you might remember when I used to post "Thursday Thoughts". It's been a long time since I wrote a post, just sharing my thoughts, and it seemed about time.

It's weird.
It's like our Disney trip separates our life now from our life before it.
Everything before Disney seems so far away.
Everything after Disney has been very difficult. (Well, not everything, but many things)

What My Trip to the Spa Taught Me About Being a Better Mom

The weather was perfect. It was slightly warmer than room temperature with a gentle breeze. The sky was blue with a few fluffy white clouds in it. My mom and I had just spent some time relaxing in an outdoor hot tub.  Snuggled up in our soft spa robes, we walked out to the beautiful grounds behind the spa and lay on padded, reclined chairs to dry in the sun and enjoy the beautiful view.

I could feel stress leaving my body as I felt permitted to take the time to relax, to take in the beauty in the nature around me and to just "be". We surveyed the scene in front of us and noticed a couple of hammocks blowing in the breeze across the field. We quickly agreed that we wanted to go to them. We walked across the gorgeous gardens and got settled in the hammocks.

Choose Love, Choose Happiness

So much of this life is about choices.  Choosing to love, to forgive, to be patient, to be kind, to be happy, and the list goes on and on!

Today I want to tell you a little about where my thoughts have been lately.

Perhaps you've noticed that I haven't been blogging as frequently as usual. I went through a few rough weeks which led me to spending a lot of time thinking about things and life in general. Just over a year ago, I published a post on this blog about happiness and being happy where you are. I wrote about how we had expected Ken to be finished his PhD and started on something new in time for the girls to start school in the Fall of 2013. When I wrote that post (a year ago), I said that things took longer than expected and we were then hoping for a finish date for his PhD in July (of 2014).

In that post, I wrote about how focusing on the future can make the present feel like "not enough". It's interesting that I was dealing with those feelings a year ago, because now, a year later, I have been dealing with them again and struggling to remind myself of what I felt I had figured out a year ago.

Last week, Ken & I drove to Toronto together to hand in his thesis. I am so excited that we have hit that milestone! We are still at least a couple of months away from his defence and are hoping for a finish date by the end of this summer, but little things keep happening to make things take a little longer and a little longer. It can be difficult not to focus on that end date when it has slipped away from us and been postponed so many times over the last 2 years.

I tell you all of this, to give you some background before explaining some things that I have taken away from a book I've been reading.

When I agreed to review a new book called Love is a Choice by Lynn G. Robbins, published by Deseret Book, I was expecting a good book that would put things in perspective and give me ideas for how to strengthen my family. That's exactly what I got, but I also got a lot of encouragement for dealing with this stage in my life where I am finding it a challenge not to be dragged down by circumstances that are not what I expected or hoped for.

There is a chapter in the book called, "Choosing Happily Ever After" that talks about the power of choice. It uses an example of three brothers who face the same situation in life.  Two of the brothers are constantly complaining about their less than desirable circumstances. They are so cynical and pessimistic that their misery becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. In contrast, the other brother chooses to recognize the blessings in the same circumstances. (If you've read the Book of Mormon, you'll recognize the brothers in this story as Laman, Lemuel, and Nephi).

I have heard a lot of people say that happiness is a choice.  It's one of those clichés that is completely accurate. We cannot avoid challenges and pain in life. We just can't. But we CAN choose how we will handle them. There was a quote in the book that said something about how there is no circumstance in life that cannot be made worse by complaining/whining about it. I think I used to have this idea that patience meant that you could wait for something, or keep at something even when it was hard. I didn't think much about how you waited or continued, as long as you did it.  But it's right there in the definition:

"Patience: the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like." 

These little things make a lot of sense, and I'm sure they're not new ideas to me or to you, but sometimes just hearing them at the right time, or thinking of them from a slightly different angle can make for an epiphany.

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The book has a section at the end with resources for making the choices discussed in the first half of the book. This includes a section of FHE (Family Home Evening- or Family Night) helps with a ton of ideas for how to teach your family.  I really liked it, and it also has a section with a list of 100 Christlike Virtues and then tells you how you can make them into subjects for a Family Night lesson or use them as a jumping-off point for your own study.

Regardless of the stage of life you're in - whether you're engaged to be married, have children, or are single, this is a great book to read. It applies to so many different areas of life.  I found great ideas for how to teach my children, how to approach disagreements as a couple, and how to deal with personal struggles.

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So, now I'm curious about your thoughts on the topic: 

Have you ever thought about happiness or love as a choice?

Is there something that helps you to be happy when things aren't ideal?

What about patience?

Disclosure: A copy of this book was provided for review purposes, but this is not a sponsored post and all opinions shared are, as always, my own.

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Taking Time to Reflect

In the midst of this busy life, with so much to do: fun things, boring things, needful things, exciting things, and more... it is good to take a moment and reflect on what is most important to us and on what we believe.

As for me, I believe in God and I believe in Christ. This weekend is one for reflection.

Whatever you believe and whatever you're doing this weekend, I hope you all have a lovely long weekend with friends and family!

If you're interested, this is a lovely short video about Easter, and what it means to us.



Easter weekend also happens to be General Conference weekend for our church. A conference is held twice a year where we listen to the Prophet, Apostles, and other church leaders. I love conference time. I love the time together as a family, I love having two days to focus in so much on what is important. Especially, I love to listen to the inspiring messages that are shared. Whether you're a member of my church or not, if you're interested, you are welcome to watch or listen to General Conference. You can do so online here. (There's a little countdown on that page, that lets you know when the next session will be).

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Confession: I Struggle to Nourish My Family (& a Giveaway)

I fall short when it comes to meal preparation and execution. It's something I have had in the back of my mind as a goal to work on for years. I think it remains at the back of my mind most of the time because it's something I just don't find fun. I have friends and family members who love to cook (thank goodness I married one of them!), so I know that it's possible to enjoy it, but I have yet to find that joy when it comes to meals & nutritional foods (dessert-prep and baking on the other hand- the joy has always been right there in front of me & I'm happy to get right into that! ;)

I do, however, manage to make meals ;)  I keep nutrition in mind and attempt to make healthy meals as often as possible. I have a few "staple" meals that I come back to that I know I can make well.  These include lasagna, shepherd's pie casserole, chicken & rice casserole, tacos, and some others. You'll notice that the majority of those involve ground beef- & has anyone else noticed how expensive it has gotten lately? We're pretty frugal so I've been trying to think of other things to cook with!

Another thing that I try to do is to have healthy snacks around (particularly fruits & vegetables). This is definitely a challenge this time of year, since we live in THE ARCTIC (well, not really, but it feels that way..) and fruit and vegetables do not grow around here, this time of year.

So, I do my best at nourishing my family even though I know that I'm not really doing awesome a lot of the time, and I have vitamins around for myself, my husband, and my kids to help make up the difference. We just started using Life Science Nutritionals' Gummy vitamins and we are big fans!  My kids were already using Gummy vitamins but I had never tried gummy vitamins for adults! You guys, I'm supposed to be taking a multivitamin daily (my doctor told me to), but have you seen the size of some of those pills?! I dread taking them (therefore I don't take them). I was pretty excited to try out a Gummy vitamin that's actually formulated with women's nutritional needs in mind (cuz eating the kids' vitamins didn't seem sufficient and I felt bad for using them up... ahem.)

These Adult Essentials Gummies Multivitamins actually won the 2015 Canadian Living Best New Product Award

in the Health category! (I'm not surprised- this is a GOOD idea!)

Thursday Thoughts: Working at Happiness

I was recently asked to share my favourite scripture.  I don't think I really have one specific scripture that I would choose, but on that occasion, the one that came to mind is from the Book of Mormon and the reference is 2 Nephi 2:25 which says, "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy."  It's a short verse that I memorized in high school for Seminary (an early morning gospel study class that I would attend every morning before school).  We memorized quite a few scripture references, but that one really stuck (because it was short and easy to remember ;).

It also stuck because of the message. This life is full of challenges and difficult situations. I think it has to be that way. We learn and grow through those experiences and so much of who we are becoming is because of how we deal with the difficult things in our lives and what we manage to learn from them. So I find it comforting that although we are meant to go through "trials" in this life, we are also meant to have joy.

I've written about happiness on the blog before- in terms of being happy "now" and not waiting for good things to happen in the future to make us happy.  The same goes for waiting for material items to make us happy.



I have been reading a new book by Jeffrey R. Holland called To My Friends; Messages of Counsel and Comfort (published by Deseret Book).  Chapter 18 is called: "To my friends who seek happiness".  He quotes Aristotle as having said, "Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence."  Then he focuses the rest of the chapter on how we can "pursue" happiness.

An Update & A Book Review: How Do I Know?

*Phew!* You guys, I have had a BUSY week, and it has largely been because of this blog. Lots of exciting things seem to be happening lately with the blog. This week something really cool happened that has never happened to me before (at least not to this extent) and that is that one of my posts from last year has become really popular in the last few days. It has been getting shared across facebook and it's so exciting! I started this blog to share ideas and information with other parents, so it's really fulfilling to be able to see that something I post is useful to other people.

If you want to check the post out (or share it or pin it ;), please do!

It's my list of 100 Non-Toy Gift Ideas. Click Here to check it out!

I also co-hosted my first twitter party which was a really neat experience and I'm excited to have another one coming up, too! If you've never attended a twitter party, you should definitely give it a try! All it takes is one twitter party and you should have a good idea of how they work. If you have any questions about them, let me know in the comments or send me a message on my contact page, and I'd be happy to fill you in!

Today I'll be on a little day trip doing something fun with some other bloggers that I'll fill you in on soon. It will be the second time I've had a chance to meet some other bloggers "in real life" (you can read about the first time here if you're interested).

So, those are a few of the fun things that have been going on and I'll have more to share as time goes on!

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Today I have the opportunity to share another new book published by Deseret Book called How Do I Know If I Know?, written by John Bytheway (a favourite speaker of mine), and I'll warn you that I'm about to get religious here ;)


When it comes to testimony, I have always been the kind of person who just always believed in the gospel. I didn't have a big "a-ha moment" or a pivotal spiritual experience that marked the moment that I gained a testimony of my Church. I always just felt that it was true. I've certainly had questions along the way, and I've continued to study and learn and grow when it comes to my knowledge and understanding of the gospel. There have been times when I have wondered if I should be trying to achieve this monumental moment of spiritual revelation that would cement my testimony and give me that story to tell of the moment when I acquired a testimony.. but I have learned that that is not always the way things work! For me, I have learned over and over, through experience, that the things I believe are true. I often think of the scriptures in the Book of Mormon in Alma 32, that talk about "experimenting upon the word". As I have lived it, I have seen the results of living it, and that reinforces my belief.

So because of these things, I was excited to see that John Bytheway had published this book for youth that asks questions like "Is my testimony strong enough?" and "How do I know if I really have a testimony?". In the book, he uses the acronym "F.E.E.L." to discuss how we feel the truthfulness of the gospel through feelings, experiences, evidences we encounter, and logical conclusions of how a loving God interacts with His children on the earth.

Just like turning up a dimmer switch, understanding the ways we F.E.E.L. a testimony will help to make it brighter.

I love John Bytheway's style.  his approach to explaining spiritual things is both easy to understand and entertaining.  Perfect for youth, and perfect for me!  This is a great addition to his list of books and talks and I'm glad he wrote it!

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Parenting by Setting Expectations & Boundaries

Have you ever noticed your kids doing something that you really wish they wouldn't do?

(trick question.. of COURSE you have!)

Maybe you've thought to yourself, "I should probably tell/ask them to stop doing that."..
and then you haven't bothered because

a. they probably won't listen
b. they'll probably complain/wine and you just don't want to listen to that
c. you're just too tired and worn out to talk (ha!)

[I think this is exactly how kids' bad habits begin...
We, the parents, don't bother to say anything when it
starts to happen and before you know it, that behaviour
has become normal/expected/"okay" in their minds.. and
it becomes difficult to stop it.]

...and by the way, I've come to this conclusion by experience ;)
As the school year started, it didn't take more than 2 school days for me to notice that my girls were coming home from school extra tired, worn out from their day, and less patient in general. This easily led to them fighting with each other.

Coming off of a summer of having them with me pretty much 24-7, I could see a distinct change very quickly and I knew that this was not something that I wanted to become the norm. I guess I was having a good parenting day (maybe I had some stored up patience and energy from my first couple of days sans kids?) because I decided on the spot that I was going to set some expectations for them.

So, on the way to the library after school, I stopped them on the sidewalk and said I needed to talk to them. I told them that I understood that after a long day at school they would probably feel kind of worn out and that it is easier to get frustrated or upset when you are tired out. Then I told them that even when you are worn out, it is still not okay to be unkind to each other. I told them that we needed to be kind to each other because we love each other and our home and our family needs to be a happy place for everyone in our family.

They nodded their heads as if they understood and I felt like from that moment on, I could easily remind them to stick to that.
...and guess what... It has been working!

They are not perfect (I am not perfect), but we are working on it. Because the expectation has been set, it is far easier to try to keep them in check!

Have you noticed this in your parenting?
Anything you've tried recently with your kids that's working well?
I'd love to hear about it in the comments!
Seriously guys... it makes my day when you take a minute to comment!

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Back to School and Home Alone!

Yesterday was the first day of school here. Here are my little students, ready to go:

I surprised myself with how much I was able to do before they left. I had ideas of things to do to make the day special and fun for them, but I wasn't sure that I would have the time to do them. The night before, Talia asked me to paint her nails and I did, then Katrina wanted the same but we were out of time, but I actually had time to do them before school in the morning. When I took them to school, I overheard Katrina happily telling her little friend (who was a boy) about her painted nails :)

I managed to crank out a fun breakfast that I saw online (apple shaped pancakes) and I made some little apple place-mats for our dinner that night and got out some cute napkins and cups and straws. Dinner was not fancy (it's so not my area of expertise or enjoyment).. we had "dippy eggs" and toast ;) Then we went to a local frozen yogurt shop (where you get to serve yourself & choose from lots of toppings) for a special treat.

Intentions

This summer I had a goal to do a lot of fun things with the girls to try to make happy memories for them. I made a plan at the beginning of the season, we made summer bucket lists and we talked about what we could do that would cost us the least. We did most of what I wanted to do and I'm really happy with the way that it went! Towards the end of the summer though, I started to think about how intentional I had been with making fun memories and though I felt good about that, I realized that I had let some other things slide a bit (we hadn't been very good about reading scriptures together daily or doing family prayer each day). I think those things are very important for our family, so I decided that I needed to be more intentional about fitting those things in, as we move into the school year.

Goals

Ken and I talked and decided that with the way his schedule is right now, we could all wake up at 7am each morning and have family scripture study and prayer together, to start the day. It's day two and we're going strong ;) haha I feel good about this goal and I think it's going to work as long as his schedule stays like this (we'll see what happens when he graduates in a few months- adjustments may have to be made).

Changes

It's hard to believe that I've really come to this point of having both of my kids at school all day, every school day. Katrina's in grade one and Talia's in grade three. I won't have any little side kicks with me during the weekdays anymore! I'm looking forward to the extra time I will have to get things done and hopefully keep things more in order in our home. I'm working on figuring out how best to manage my time so that I can be most present with my family when the girls (and Ken) come home from school. I have lots of ideas but instead of sharing them now, I'll share them when/if I do them!

Although I'm excited for the extra productive time I will have, I am also sad to see my little munchkins go for so much of the week. I have really enjoyed having them home during the summer. I can't let myself think too deeply about it, or I'm likely to cry, so I just stop myself whenever my thoughts try to go there!

Have you hit that stage when all of your kids are off to school?
If so, what have you learned along the way about how to make the most of your time both while they're at school and when they're home?

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Creepy Laundry and One of "Those" Mornings

On Sunday Katrina wore a fancy little dress to church.  We arrived late and sheepishly took our spot on a pew at the front of the chapel.  Which always takes just a little too long to do with kids... they move slowly, they stop to look at the things around them and meanwhile I'm standing up in front of the congregation, wishing they would hurry so I could take my seat, or at least that I could shrink closer to the height of the pew backs and blend in.  

Anyway, we took our seats and I looked up at Katrina to double check her hair (which I brushed and arranged in the parking lot of the church because we had hurried that morning and Ken had the girls in the car before I had done their hair)... anyway, I looked at Katrina and quickly spotted two stains on her dress.  (The kind of thing you vaguely remember from the last time she wore that dress and probably told her she should put her dress in the hamper and then later asked her why she hadn't hung her dress up yet because you forgot about the stain... I'm saying "you" because I'm really hoping there are other moms reading this who can relate ;)

So, this week the dress made it to the hamper and last night I put the dress in the washing machine and this morning I pulled it out to see if the stain came out.  It was a yellowish stain and while looking for it, I spotted a dark stain and wondered how that had gotten there.. the mysteries of laundry!  And then the stain moved.

...because the stain wasn't a stain but a spider that had somehow found its way in between the fabric of the front of the dress and the lining of the dress!

I don't know what it was exactly this morning, but I just wasn't in a very happy mood and I could feel that my patience was low.  So it was frustrating to find that the girls were eating dry cereal in the living room again when I came upstairs from the spider incident.  I reminded them not to do that and pointed out the mess of crushed Special K all over the floor to remind them why.  Then I grabbed the vacuum and found that a feature on it is broken.  *sigh*

Next I headed to the kitchen and decided to set a timer for myself.  If I set a timer, I am much more productive. Knowing that I only have a limited amount of time to work on a task helps me keep going.  The first thing that needs to be done is to sweep the floor (because now there's Special K all over that floor too).  So I grab the broom and with the first swipe I realize that the broom is wet.  We left the kitchen window open last night to let cool air in and it rained. The broom was in the perfect place to get wet from the rain that came through the window. So, I set the broom on the porch in the sun to dry and I pull out a chair to sit on in the sun and try to feel a little more 'Zen'.


My question to you is this:  How do you handle mornings like these?  Any suggestions for getting things back on track?  Sure, there are days when I just have more patience and can take things like this in stride, but for the days when each little thing that goes wrong seems to bring me a lot further from "Zen"... well, what would you do?


Here's what I did this morning:

I announced that we needed to read our library books before tonight when some of them are due.  I sent the girls downstairs to gather their favourites and we re-convened on my bed to snuggle up and read.  Then the girls asked to pull out the lego.

We have a whole bunch of pink, purple, and white lego that combines to make a big fancy Barbie house, pool, ice cream stand, etc.  It's a MESS.  So, my rule is that bedrooms and living room have to be clean before we can bring the lego out.  Today the desire for lego was big enough motivation for them to get their jobs done, so we're hunting for pieces and the girls are totally focussed on their project.

 I actually kind of like putting the lego together and organizing the pieces, so it's a good way for me to play with them without getting bored ;)   Having a project for them to work on is also great... they stay focussed in one area of the house without leaving messes behind everywhere which makes everything else seem a little more "under control". The bonus on top of that is that they stay occupied for a long time without asking for something new to do.

I think things are back on track... on to the rest of the day!  Oh... is it lunch time already?

Please Note: This post is not sponsored by Lego ;) 

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Thoughts: Being Happy Where You Are

I've been thinking a lot about being happy with where you are. Not just where you are as in location, but the stage of life you're in.

A little background information: When Ken and I got married we were both 21 years old. We were both working on our bachelors degrees at University. We each graduated. I stayed home with our baby girl. He went on to do his Masters degree. He defended his Masters shortly after baby girl #2 came along. Then began work on his PhD.



Often over the years we have been married, people have asked me if I am excited for when he will finish school. They remark how I must be sick of living "the student life". I never really felt that way though. It was just the way married life had always been for us, so I felt like I didn't really know what it would be like to be done school; I just knew that things were fine the way they were and we'd see what that was like when we got there.

About a year ago, we started to plan for Ken to graduate with his PhD. We thought he would graduate and we would move somewhere (probably out of the country) for him to either get a job working for a company, in research, or to start post doctoral research at a University. We expected to be in a new home in time for the girls to start school in August/September of 2013.

As this time approached, I started to let myself imagine what it would be like to move on to the next stage of our life. I started to think about perhaps owning a home, having more space, maybe having a second car. I dreamed of possibly living somewhere that would stay warm all year, I wondered if it would help my health. I got excited about this next step and started to look forward to all of the possible positives that would come with it!

Things kept taking longer than expected with Ken's research. Soon we were starting another school year at the same public school and projecting that Ken would be finished school by Christmas. Then I found out my local sister was expecting a baby in March and was sad that we had lived near each other for so long and then finally when she would have a baby, I would be far away from her! So, when Ken's approximate finish date was pushed later, I didn't mind too much because it would mean being there for this niece's birth. The approximate finish time was moved to April/May. Then moved again and currently we're looking at July at the earliest.

Over this past year as our plans and expectations have changed so many times, I've learned that thinking about the things that could be better in the future can make you feel like things in the present are not good enough.

I have had to really focus on where I'm letting my thoughts go, and on the way that I look at things in my life. I have realized (more deeply) some things that I had already realized on a more superficial level: Happiness is right here.   Happiness is right now.  I don't need a bigger/newer/nicer house to be happy. I don't need more money/things/time to be happy.






 It may sound cliche, but I guess that's because it's true.

I've started to watch myself and if I catch myself feeling disappointed with my current life, I stop and ask myself why. Because it always seems to be either because of something that I can change or because I'm putting my current life down by comparing it to what I think my future life will be like or to someone else's current life. You know that saying about not comparing your worst to someone else's best? There's also one about not comparing your beginning to someone else's middle. It's kind of similar to that.

Yesterday I was organizing some files on my computer and I came across some videos from when Talia was Katrina's age.  I look back on that time with such fondness!  These childhoods go by so quickly- I can feel time slipping past!  I don't ever want to look back on a stage of life and wish I had enjoyed it more, or been more present, or realized what I had.  So, I'm committing to trying to remember to be happy right now, right here.  To enjoy THIS moment.  It's the moment that's here.

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